I Don’t Remember Meeting You

I’m a social guy. I don’t really feel all that great if I haven’t been around people for too long. And I like to converse with people. But recently, I’ve realized that I have a little problem. I was always afraid of this problem growing up. Any time I would ask my dad about something from his childhood, he would always respond with a short sigh and say “I don’t remember, TJ.” I don’t know if he was just not up to talking about it, didn’t find it an appropriate time to talk about it, or if he actually couldn’t remember, but either way, I didn’t like it and I didn’t want to have my dad’s “bad” memory.

This week, and the last couple weeks, the universe, with a big stupid smile on its face,  smacked me upside the head and shouted, “SURPRISE!!! YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOUR DAD, TJ!”

Because of my extremely social tendencies, I meet a lot of people. All the time. I have just about 1000 facebook friends (rolls eyes) and I have actually met 95% of them in person. That’s a lot of people. I have many friends who are in the same boat. But the difference between them and me?….

THEY ACTUALLY REMEMBER MEETING PEOPLE.

I’ve met multiple people in the last few months who have told me that we’ve actually met several times before. And my only response is, “WHAT? What do you mean? I don’t remember that AT ALL!!” They typically just smile and say something like, “Yeah, that’s ok. You meet a lot of people.” If it were me, I’d be pissed. No one likes not being remembered. 

The reality is, for the life I’ve chosen, I’m not meeting an uncanny amount of people. Or, I’m not meeting more people than what is normal for the life I’ve chosen. You know, going to shows, Open Mic, going out with friends… Lots of people do that in this city. And lots of people are just as social and are meeting just as many people, if not more, than I am. So why do I have such a hard time remembering people?? I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities:

1. I am a serious ass hole.

OR

2. There’s something wrong in my brain.

I’m willing to believe its a little bit of both. I think there is something in me (a weird memory or past experience) that prevents me from memorizing a face and name, even after having met them multiple times. Its something dark and destructive and I really want to figure out what it is so I can get rid of it. I want more than anything to remember faces and names. My favorite thing in the world to do is swap life stories with people. I love hearing from and meeting new people. I swear to god, I do. But I also couldn’t care less about people sometimes.

I have a life coach. His name is Burton and he is crazy. He helped Shaquille O’Neal improve his free throw average. He is best friends with the president of Sony records. This guy is the brilliant life coach to the stars. How I came to know him?… Let’s just say, my dad is pretty well connected (I like how that makes my family sound WAY cooler than we actually are). It is a TRIP hanging out with Burton, let me tell you. He’s freaking hilarious. Burton helps people discover their “word.” The one word that describes a person. A person’s word is the reason why that person jumps for joy, and it is the reason why that person get’s angry. Whenever someone get’s angry, its because someone or something isn’t acknowledging their word. My dad’s word is “Recognition.” He needs to be recognized more often than not, to feel good about himself. He needs to hear “And great job, Tony!” to feel validated. If he gets upset on the freeway when someone cuts him off, its because that person didn’t recognize his presence on the road appropriately. This is legit stuff and, unfortunately, I’m not able to explain in a completely cohesive way. But after about 30 seconds, Burton figured out that my word is “Caring.” I care too much. I feel too much. And because of all of that, I think too much as well.

The funny thing about someone’s word, is that its their gift and their curse. Either I care strongly, or I don’t care at all. AT ALL. This, my friends, is a huge problem. And its one I want to figure out and fix in my life. Because I feel like that might be a huge reason for why I forget people’s names and faces. Its not that I don’t care about that person ever. Just not right then. There needs to be some kind of middle ground and not a swinging pendulum of caring/not caringness.

Do you find that this describes you too? If so, you should let me know.

And to everyone that I have forgotten now or in the past, I’m so terribly sorry. I’m sorry I was an ass hole. I am working on fixing my memory. 

P.S. I should also add that my dad does not have a horrible, awful memory. In fact, these days, he seems to be sharing things about his childhood or past that I’d never heard before. My dad is amazing a great man. You might have to remind him of your name though.